Here at the Confounding of America, I will give you a glance into the wonderful inner workings of my mind, so that you can see how I roll, when I want to smack down the Progressive Masses, screaming to take down this great country of ours!
First, wait. Did you see what I just did? I demonized all who don't agree with me, as Progressives, and went right into an ad-lib on what they are all about "tearing down this great country" and did you catch that last bit? "of ours" i.e not "theirs"
Don't you love that? You have no idea who the hell these people are and , fuck it all, I DON'T EVEN KNOW MYSELF but in two seconds you what? YOU ALREADY HATE THE HELL OUT OF THEM!
Isn't this great? Hooo, boy. Sometimes I kill myself. Isn't this fun?
Take this little ditty. Here, I get this guy on board who is hawking his book. He's gonna agree with me, no matter what I say. Yee Haw! Without clearly defining what a Progressive is, he and I work off of each other like Punch and Judy until you are furious at whoever these "progressives are" We don't mess with specifics? Hell no. It's just shzooom! Right in! Watch.
Ha! Ha!
You love that. Great part is, a "progressive" is whatever I want it to be at that moment. A progressive could be your mother for all I care. It could be Progressive Insurance, who gives a shit. I certainly don't. Now, having established that there's this thing called a "Progressive" that has been lurking in our country since the time of, well I don't know, let's find a corpse to wail on: hmnnnnn, there must be someone, some obscure figure from history that people know, but, don't really know well enough to argue the point with me? I got it. Let's say Woodrow Wilson. Right, we now show the country, that these evil ratlike creatures are really sort of like vermin, aren't they? Aren't you sick of this scum, they've been around since the damned Woodrow Wilson administration. What the hell ARE YOU DOING ABOUT THEM!
First, wait. Did you see what I just did? I demonized all who don't agree with me, as Progressives, and went right into an ad-lib on what they are all about "tearing down this great country" and did you catch that last bit? "of ours" i.e not "theirs"
Don't you love that? You have no idea who the hell these people are and , fuck it all, I DON'T EVEN KNOW MYSELF but in two seconds you what? YOU ALREADY HATE THE HELL OUT OF THEM!
Isn't this great? Hooo, boy. Sometimes I kill myself. Isn't this fun?
Take this little ditty. Here, I get this guy on board who is hawking his book. He's gonna agree with me, no matter what I say. Yee Haw! Without clearly defining what a Progressive is, he and I work off of each other like Punch and Judy until you are furious at whoever these "progressives are" We don't mess with specifics? Hell no. It's just shzooom! Right in! Watch.
Ha! Ha!
You love that. Great part is, a "progressive" is whatever I want it to be at that moment. A progressive could be your mother for all I care. It could be Progressive Insurance, who gives a shit. I certainly don't. Now, having established that there's this thing called a "Progressive" that has been lurking in our country since the time of, well I don't know, let's find a corpse to wail on: hmnnnnn, there must be someone, some obscure figure from history that people know, but, don't really know well enough to argue the point with me? I got it. Let's say Woodrow Wilson. Right, we now show the country, that these evil ratlike creatures are really sort of like vermin, aren't they? Aren't you sick of this scum, they've been around since the damned Woodrow Wilson administration. What the hell ARE YOU DOING ABOUT THEM!
Now, it doesn't matter if a person defines themself as a progressive, I just did. Done. It doesn't matter if these folks hate the constitution or not, I just said they did on NATIONAL TELEVISION, I must be smart since I remember a thing or two about an obscure president from the early 20th Century so, wham bam thank you ma'am it must be true! Done. If you are a progressive as night follows day, you ALSO hate the Constitution. If you argue against this circular logic that makes you BOTH!
Hah. You want to know where I got THIS IDEA? Watching these guys.
Anyhoo, yeah, okees. Now that these ratlike creatures are conveniently seen lurking, like, EVERYWHERE, let's take it a step further. What is the one thing, the good American citizen is taught to defend with his life? No, that other thing, see? That other thing that Uncle Rupe wants us to actually change in little bitty incruments, so's you don't notice. Or he wants to change it all at once out of 'necessity' with societal breakdown, that we will have everything to do with. Yeah! Right! The Constitution! You got it. We need to change that bad boy so WE, that is Uncle Rupe and all his corporate chronies, RUN THIS BITCH!
Anyhoo, yeah, okees. Now that these ratlike creatures are conveniently seen lurking, like, EVERYWHERE, let's take it a step further. What is the one thing, the good American citizen is taught to defend with his life? No, that other thing, see? That other thing that Uncle Rupe wants us to actually change in little bitty incruments, so's you don't notice. Or he wants to change it all at once out of 'necessity' with societal breakdown, that we will have everything to do with. Yeah! Right! The Constitution! You got it. We need to change that bad boy so WE, that is Uncle Rupe and all his corporate chronies, RUN THIS BITCH!
But, we need the help of the Hapless Hayseed to do it! Meantime we want to make sure the Hapless Hayseed doesn't get mad at us, but at someone else. Now, who might that someone else be? Tee-hee. You got it! The PROGRESSIVES!
See, all this time, we've been edging up to it, by hinting that the sacred document needs to be (you love this?) updated with new language. Because nothing causes controversy and hate like our buddy God. Yes, we would like to tweak that bad boy constitution to reintroduce a narrow definition of the cosmic critter "back" into government, even though founding fathers wanted the institutions of church and state at arms length from each other. Even though it's pretty clean in the language of the First Amendment that our founders wanted freedom of religion, AND FREEDOM FROM RELIGION, nothing will piss the vermin off, if we attempt to blur that from our founding document.
By the way, watch this! It seems we can use that document to our advantage. When it comes to giving people in the District of Columbia voting rights to install an additional member into congress, whoa, watch me crawl all over the name of the sacred text as if it's the last Pepsi in the desert. Because, what are those people in the D.C. by-in-large? You got it, black like Marion Barry. Remember him! Can't have that, can we. NO sir, not if WE want to TAKE IT BACK from THEM!
See, if you get this separation dealio out of the way, and you institute a sort of nationalistic, quasi religious "mission" to being "American" you can really do something wonderful. You can unify those who agree with you under the terror of infinite conformity meltdown in a death spiral of one-upmanship. You can also terrorize those who don't agree with you. We know this group by the name Progresiffvolk. Where did we come up with a scheme like this. Well, history did have one example:
Wow! I call that one organized group! Don't you? If you watched his speech, you noticed that not once did he name the Jews. And really, history tells us it was about sparking worldwide conflict. From Adolf's POV, killing millions of Jews was collateral. If it hadn't been the Jews, it would have been the Irish. If not them, someone else. Didn't really matter to him.
See, all this time, we've been edging up to it, by hinting that the sacred document needs to be (you love this?) updated with new language. Because nothing causes controversy and hate like our buddy God. Yes, we would like to tweak that bad boy constitution to reintroduce a narrow definition of the cosmic critter "back" into government, even though founding fathers wanted the institutions of church and state at arms length from each other. Even though it's pretty clean in the language of the First Amendment that our founders wanted freedom of religion, AND FREEDOM FROM RELIGION, nothing will piss the vermin off, if we attempt to blur that from our founding document.
By the way, watch this! It seems we can use that document to our advantage. When it comes to giving people in the District of Columbia voting rights to install an additional member into congress, whoa, watch me crawl all over the name of the sacred text as if it's the last Pepsi in the desert. Because, what are those people in the D.C. by-in-large? You got it, black like Marion Barry. Remember him! Can't have that, can we. NO sir, not if WE want to TAKE IT BACK from THEM!
See, if you get this separation dealio out of the way, and you institute a sort of nationalistic, quasi religious "mission" to being "American" you can really do something wonderful. You can unify those who agree with you under the terror of infinite conformity meltdown in a death spiral of one-upmanship. You can also terrorize those who don't agree with you. We know this group by the name Progresiffvolk. Where did we come up with a scheme like this. Well, history did have one example:
Wow! I call that one organized group! Don't you? If you watched his speech, you noticed that not once did he name the Jews. And really, history tells us it was about sparking worldwide conflict. From Adolf's POV, killing millions of Jews was collateral. If it hadn't been the Jews, it would have been the Irish. If not them, someone else. Didn't really matter to him.
Hey, we don't hate Jews on my program. The point is, we need an excuse to take over this country, the US of A. The "we" I speak of are Uncle Rupe and all his buddies in corporateland. Next we need "permission" as in changes to the constitution, to kick ass worldwide killing millions of people! Why? So Uncle Rupe's corporate chronies can get uber rich and so those of us who survive have a little more breathing room. Do we care if we blaspheme the name of the Jews, as we spark WWIII, by claiming to do this in their defence? Hell no. It's a whatever works, kinda deal. Get real. And it doesn't matter who dies, so long as it's someone else's kid.
All you dumbasses out there in television land have to do is keep watching, keep nodding and throw the switch the way we tell you to when it comes time to vote. Oh, and keep waving those signs! Keep on partying!
We'll do the rest.
Your good buddy, Glenn.
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