"Dear Glenn;
I wanted to talk to you about some of the things I am hearing about you:
1. I am hearing that you are taking on unions and other so-called special interests because you are a "creature of big business" and you're too naive and ignorant of larger schemes working around to know you are being used by your bosses at Faux. I have heard they have strictly forbidden you from taking on other "special instrests" such as the insurance lobby, and the big oil lobby. Thus, you are both a dupe and a bully, in chosing the weaker of two targets, magnifying them in your lambasting speeches when the alternate foe would be a more courageous choice.
2. You are going after known science because you couldn't pass high school chemistry and you've never gotten over it. Aside from which, your innate schitzophreniclly-based conspiracies, which bubble like a witches brew, prevent you from calmly analyzing facts. When these facts run contrary to your beliefs you flee to your "safe place" i.e. the more esoteric, inane books of the ancient bible such as The Book of Revelations and the Book of Daniel. After all, why learn science when you have the imponderable at your disposal masking as wisdom?
3. I have also heard it told that what you are doing, knowingly or unknowingly, is acting as a hatchetman against the Obama administration on behalf of a consortium of big business, and in doing so, you are swindling your entire readership and listener-base of patriotic, well-meaning but educationally-challenged Americans. Those you will toss aside the minute your task is completed. That task is to either run for president as a "spoiler" candidate, ala Ross Perot, or to merely continue to stir the pot of fear and disunity in this country in the hopes that the current administration accomplishes nothing. In so doing you are also deflecting valid criticism and blame for our country's current predicaments, from where it needs to be placed - deregulation, rampant speculators, needless war, and greed all let loose during the Bush administration - and are attempting to place it all instead on the Obama administration. This, at the behest of your corporate task masters to whom you serve as a sort of soulless, grinning hand-puppet.
4. I find it curious you espouse Christian values yet repeatedly call people idiots, pinheads, morons, and stupid. You espose Christian values in one breath while exuding others to "crush" their opponents. I am familiar with the same New Testament that you often trumpet and I am pretty sure Jesus would have deplored guns if he were alive in the flesh today, and would certainly want people to have decent, affordable health care. I also feel relatively certain, Glenn, he would not approve of rampant weapons build-up of the previous administration which has, among other things, impoverished this country. None of this touches of course, on what he would make of your behavior, spewing fear and hate to a vast audience within the most powerful nation on earth.
Glenn, I know you went through a tough time as a child. I know much of that led you to a very strange place where pot and alcohol substituted for a meaningful parent figure. Like many a recovering addict, or drinker, you are swinging the other way; now playing the role of staunch conservative instead of living by the big book in the small, quiet spaces of your life, letting go and letting God, sort of thing. Like an addict headed toward relapse, you don't do this halfway; you do it to the point of obsessive self destruction.
My main concern is, you seem bent on taking all of us down with you.
Your loving aunt,
Edna Feck
P.S. Uncle Phil says hi."
Now, having read this letter, I have to say that even if this were alleged Aunt Edna, isn't it curious that she signed it "your loving aunt?" My aunt Edna never said that to me. I have to wonder who is REALLY behind this letter, and to this person, Aunt Edna or otherwise, I say "GET OFF MY SHOW! GET OFF MY SHOW YOU LITTLE PINHEAD!"
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